Car Accident, Love, Forgiveness, and Dove Chocolates

(This is a blog entry that I used to have on my Myspace Account). I have carried it over to this forum since I no longer use Myspace. It will help me preserve some of my thoughts at this time.
Friday, December 19, 2008 Car Accident, Love, Forgiveness, and Dove Chocolates!
Most of you already know about the car accident that my daughter, Ashley, was involved in. This has been quite a stressful time for our family, but I want to thank those of you who have been here for me. It has been so nice having friends who have allowed me to vent and who have allowed me to lean on for support!

Here is a quick run-down of the accident details. Winston (my daughter's boyfriend) was the one driving, and Ashley was the passenger in the front seat. Winston was going westbound on State Road 54, and then he pulled into a "safety zone" in the middle of the highway. He wanted to make a left into a church parking lot. He had to cross over eastbound traffic of State Road 54 to make the turn. He started to turn left, and he realized that a car was coming faster than he originally projected. He knew that the car was going to crush Ashley's side of the car. He made a quick decision to straighten out the wheel. The result was a head-on collision. I am thankful that Winston turned the wheel because if the car that he cut out in front of were to hit Ashley's passenger side door, she would have been crushed. I know that the result would have ended with a little white cross being on the side of the road with Ashley's name on it. Although a head-on collision can be deadly too, it was the lesser of the two evils. Winston was cited at fault in the accident. When I got the call that Ashley had been in a serious accident, I started hyperventilating. The Fight or Flight reaction took over my body, the adrenaline started rushing through me, and I was in panic mode. Jeff had to drive me to the accident scene because I was too upset to drive myself. Shortly after we arrived, I was informed that Ashley had lost consciousness and blacked out after the impact. It was within a matter of minutes that the EMTs loaded Ashley up on a stretcher and put her in the ambulance. Ashley was transported via ambulance to University Community Hospital, and I was able to ride in the back of the ambulance with her. I tried to control my trepidation because I knew Ashley needed me to be strong. She was a bloody mess and was crying hysterically. I did take a picture of her while we were in the ambulance. Many of you might think this might be an inappropriate time to be taking pictures, but you have to remember that I am mother. I wanted to have photographic evidence of how she looked after this accident. The reason for this is because I don’t ever want her to look like this again, and these pictures can be used for posterity to remind her of what can happen when bad choices are made. (I’ll get back to her bad choice momentarily). She has a pretty deep laceration on her head. It is about 2 and a half inches long. Her head laceration was bleeding profusely during our ride to the hospital. At the hospital, they did a catscan, and it indicated that there wasn't any internal bleeding. This was one of my biggest worries, and I was glad that this was ruled out. Her brain appeared to be fine, as well! Her head received 6 staples in it to close that nasty gash. She also has a bad case of whiplash. They originally thought her ankle was broken because the swelling was so bad, but the x-ray showed that there wasn't a break. I was so thankful that it was only sprained. The ER Doctor estimated that she would have to hobble around on crutches for the next 2 to 3 weeks approximately. She also has large contusions all over her body. Her whole body aches. The above medical issues were found at the hospital, and later on we had a few more doctor appointments that have revealed a lot more damage. Ashley had an appointment with her pediatrician on December 17th, and he removed the staples out of her head. He said that there is hypertrophic tissue above the laceration, and this undoubtedly indicates that there will be a scar. Luckily, the laceration is further back on her head, and she can cleverly disguise the scar with her hair once it heals. Ashley was having severe headaches and was experiencing dizzy spells. I called a Chiropractor, and he scheduled her in for an appointment on the same day. He was extremely worried about the symptoms she was having. After taking a series of x-rays and conducting a thorough medical exam, this is what has been discovered: Ashley has torn muscles in her neck and in her trapezius muscle, she has suffered soft tissue damage in her upper & lower back, and her entire pelvis has shifted to the right. Looking at some of the x-rays left me completely in shock. This inner damage that has been done is very serious. Also, in the vertebral column there are a series of bones that are supposed to be inline. There has been displacement in many of her vertebrae. In some places, these bones are shifted so much that it looked like a staircase on the x-ray. The x-rays indicated that her C2 neck bone has shifted so much that it is actually compressing the vertebral artery. This is why she was getting the severe headaches and dizzy spells. She wasn't getting adequate blood flow. Her ankle is definintely not just sprained. We don't know what is wrong with her ankle yet, but the doctor is fairly confident that one of Ashley's ligaments is detached from the bone. Only a MRI will reveal what has really occurred in her ankle. Even 9 days after the accident, it is still severely swollen. She has elevated it, applied ice, and has taken the Ibuprofen religiously, but it isn’t healing. She has started to get some tingling in her foot as well. I’m going to be taking her to see an Orthopedic Specialist. With the tingling and loss of feeling she is experiencing in her foot, I am concerned there is nerve damage. Ashley has had to rely on me for just about everything. Being immobile really puts one in a vulnerable situation. Luckily, Ash has me, and I will do everything that I can for her. It does hurt me to see her crying and suffering, and it also breaks my heart to see the visible scars and bruises all over her body. On a positive note, there are several good things that have come out of this accident. One is that my bond with Ashley has grown on so many levels. I thought we had a tight bond before this, and I didn’t think it was possible for our relationship to grow anymore. Also, another great thing is that my daughter is ALIVE! I'm so thankful to God. I can't even begin to fully express that in words. It is every mother's nightmare to get a call that your child has been in a serious car accident! Ai yi yi! I hope I never have to get that call ever again!!!


Ashley has learned an extremely valuable lesson, but unfortunately she has had to learn it the hard way. Ashley is an honor student and is a very obedient child, but on the night of the accident she made a poor choice by getting in the car with her boyfriend. We have a rule that she isn't allowed to drive with anybody who has had their operator’s license less than 2 years. That might be a little strict, but kids these days don’t know how to drive, and I want to protect my baby from their inexperience. In the first 2 years that a teenager has their driver's license, they are still basically learning how to drive. Why would I want to put my children in a car with somebody who is still learning how to drive? So, our rule just makes sense to Jeff and me. On the night of the accident, I was told by my daughter that her best friend's mom (Lisa) would be driving them to church youth group. I trust Lisa, and I didn't even question anything. She has taken them to church youth group and to other functions in the past so many times, and everytime I called to confirm, she would always reassure me that she was, in fact, taking the girls to the particular function and picking them up. So on this particular night, Wednesday, Dec 10th, 2008, I didn't call to confirm. I trusted that my daughter was telling me the truth. Well, instead of Lisa taking the girls to youth group, Winston picked up the girls to take them. After dropping Ashley's best friend off at youth group, Winston & Ashley decided that they weren't going to attend youth group. Instead they left and went riding around. I know that Ashley & Winston just wanted to spend some extra time together. We had been on a family vacation to New York City the week before, and it had been awhile since they had seen one another. I was young once, and I remember vividly how young love feels, but the fact of the matter is that she completely disobeyed me. She shouldn’t have gotten in the car with her boyfriend. I was kinda joking around with her and told her that if she is going to disobey me that she should never use God as an excuse. She definitely shouldn’t have ditched youth group when she was supposed to be learning about God, and then run off and sin. God will getcha every time. Like I said, she has learned so much from this, and she has matured in so many ways. I realize sometimes people have to learn from their mistakes. I'm not even going to punish her. She has suffered enough emotional and physical pain. The only thing that sucks is that she has lost my trust. I'm going to have to check up on her now. If she decides to go to youth group in the future, I am going to have to call the pastor to ensure that she stays there now. This absolutely sucks because I want to trust my daughter so much, but she has to earn my trust back! But, I do forgive her for what she has done. Winston also felt so terrible for causing this accident. We have gotten to know him very well over the past 7 months. He is a very good kid. He’s an honor student, is typically very obedient, religious, and his bad decision was very uncharacteristic of his character. He told me that he was sorry, and I genuinely felt the sincerity in his apology. I actually felt really bad for him because I knew he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Accidents are called accidents and not “on purposes.” So, I was able to forgive Winston. Winston and his family came over to our house to wish Ashley well, and it was a nice visit.


I did have a major internal struggle this week though. Winston broke up with Ashley the next day after visiting her. It has been hard enough watching my daughter deal with the emotional pain and guilt that she was having from disobeying me. The intense physical pain that Ashley has experienced due to the car accident was just another terrible thing to have to watch. Now … on top of everything else, a broken heart gets thrown into the equation. She hasn’t had an appetite. In fact, every time she tries to eat, she gags and wants to throw-up. She is getting very little sleep, and when she finally does sleep it is because she has exhausted herself by crying. I just felt like I couldn’t take anymore. My daughter’s pain is my pain. Just like a lion and her baby cub, a momma lion will hurt anybody who tries to hurt their baby. I believe this is a primal instinct that most mothers possess. I wanted so desperately to call her ex-boyfriend up and give him a piece of my mind, and furthermore, beat him up. Then, the more sensible Kara realized that I really didn't want to go to jail. I also realized that these aren’t Christian-like thoughts, and I felt really guilty for feeling this way. I have always been a person who can forgive easily. I just pray about it, and God allows me to forgive those who have hurt me. But, with Winston breaking up with my daughter at the worst possible timing in the history of break-ups, I just couldn’t shake my anger towards him. So, I literally got on my hands and knees and prayed to God. I begged him to please help me deal with this. The very next morning, I woke up with a different attitude. I have found solace!! This is definitely God’s work within me because I was so filled with anger and hurt the night before. I believe that only God could help save me from my internal struggles. I am glad that I have found an inner peace from this whole situation, and I’m really looking forward to putting all of this behind me. I pray that Ashley will find the inner peace that I have found. I did share with her how God has helped me. How can I expect Jesus to forgive me for my sins, if I couldn’t forgive others? God calls us to love everybody, even those who have hurt us. I don’t want Ashley to be bitter. I want her to be the loving, beautiful person that she has always been. So, it’s time to bring this blog to a conclusion; however, this story isn’t even close to being over. We have several months of medical treatments, and Ashley is going to have to go through the grieving process from having her relationship end. The reason for this is because Winston was her first love. He isn’t calling her anymore, and therefore a “death” to a relationship has happened. The grieving process includes: Denial & Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and then Acceptance. She has already had the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th stage occur. So, I’m hoping that the acceptance stage comes quickly.


I wanted to add one more thing. I was eating some Dove Chocolates the other day. They are called Dove Promises, and they are delicious! I highly recommend them. Anyway, after opening the 1st one up there was a message inside. It said, “Happiness is the experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.” Hmmmmm… who would have thought that a chocolate could possess such infinite wisdom?